Apparently Corn Pops are going to die. They’re going to die a slow, long, painful death. They will starve because no one wants to eat them. (Food, you see, starves by NOT being eaten, as opposed to humans, who starve by not having anything to eat.)
They are dying, says Forbes. They will be gone very shortly, within the next year. People are already stopping eating them. Corn Pops are dying.
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| No one will really make you eat these yucky, sugarless things |
Oh wait. I was just kidding. Sorry for being melodramatic; according to SodaHead’s article, a real life Kellogg’s executive said that they weren’t going to kill Corn Pops. Yay! Now we will all get fat on HFCS with our beloved breakfast crap while we slowly kill MySpace, American Apparel, and Sears. Corn Pops are SO much better than snow tires, vintage clothing, and OneRepublic, which was discovered on MySpace.
Alas, we all knew Facebook would be king. How else could there be Assbook (on the cover of a Hallmark greeting card featuring dogs)? What would that be? MyAss’sSpace? Just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
American Apparel, you know, has three distinct disadvantages leading to its demise: Everything there is more expensive because it’s made in the US, “American Apparel” sounds too much like “American Eagle Outfitters,” and Apparel is too hard to spell.
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| You can't buy these at Kmart. |
Sears, which has an executive-confirmed impending closure (though I’m too lazy to dig up the link because my friend Google will do it for you), makes relative sense. Why go to nicer, neater, quieter and more expensive Sears when we can pick easier, cheaper, louder and uglier Kmart? Obviously they don’t have the same stuff, and we’ll have to head to Costco for our snow tires, but what a small price to pay? Sears only sells much, much better clothes, shoes, bedding and housewares than Costco or Kmart.
The others are pretty self-explanatory or boring, but you know which ones I’m watching. How about you?
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