Sunday, September 2, 2012

Shorty movie review

Sometimes I just don't want to write a full movie review: it will be either too short or too long.

The Aviator: If you cannot get Katherine Hepburn right, I do not want to watch your movie.
Also, buy some hair dye.

(In case you can't tell, Cate Blanchett was too distracting to warrant watching this whole movie.)

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Hey! Guess what sells!

So everyone knows that sex sells,  right?  I mean, duh.  Total duh.  Thank you, Captain Obvious.  Really?  Nothing new here.

Of course, selling sex like that requires some taste.  You can't be totally obvious.  You can be, you know, Carl's Jr. obvious, but how much more obvious can you be?

Oh well, you could, you know, just jam a photo of a girl in a bikini onto the image of whatever it is you're selling, like filmguy808 over at Your Friend Ebay.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

I don't have a microblog

Maternity prom dresses are a disturbing and depressing trend.

I know most of these girls don't actually look pregnant, and some of these are even bridesmaid dresses, but that the category exists is completely wrong.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Oh, must I be late for everything

I must explain my lateness for Audrey Hepburn’s birthday

I’ve been late for a few things before, mostly because I associated two things that I wasn’t supposed to. One of those things is Audrey Hepburn and World War II. Specifically, Audrey Hepburn and Operations Manna and Chowhound.
For those of you wondering, Operations Manna and Chowhound were a really cool set of operations from the British and American (U.S.) governments which dropped over eleven thousand tons of food onto the Netherlands (Holland) where Hepburn lived, between April 29th and May 8th, 1945.
I mixed that up with the Liberation, which officially occurred on May 5th, 1945, the day after her 16th birthday. For some reason, I thought I read somewhere that she got food that day after the Hunger Winter, which she probably did; however, as I understood from Wikipedia, May 8th was the first and only day of Operations Manna and Chowhound. Oops.
As is the traditional Unsimple Birthday Celebration, we connect YOU to SOMEONE ELSE. I picked Eloise because it’s cute.

You love Eloise, do not pretend you don’t.
Alright, let’s get started:
Eloise is a character in the book Eloise at the Plaza, which was written by Kay Thompson who was in Funny Face with Audrey Hepburn. Therefore, Audrey Hepburn’s Eloise number is two.

Alright, so that was easy, but we love Eloise, and Eloise, like Audrey, believes in Pink. Clearly.

“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie-burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” -Audrey Hepburn

Ways to Celebrate (even if you are late like me)