Ten reasons Costco sucks (and why you should shop there anyway)

Costco sucks.  You know they do. 

1. There's only one variety of everything.  Want a bath rug?  Sure.  But only the Tommy Bahama ones.
2. It's depressing in there.  Warehouses are always way too dark.
3. Their food is also really limited, and usually pretty oily.
4. There's never anybody to help you.  No one walks the floor.
5. It's so big.  You can get tired walking all those aisles!

Yet you still shop there.

1. It's not too difficult to decide what to buy.  You know...too many choices are mentally bad or whatever.
2. The light will never hurt your eyes!
3. The food is cheap, voluminous, and relatively tasty.
4. No annoying sales people!
5. Who needs treadmills when you can walk Costco?

Hooray for optimism!

Fifty years later, Breakfast at Tiffany's needs yet more dirt removed

Breakfast at Tiffany’s is not a good movie. 

Let me revise that.

It’s not a good movie as it is sold.  And no one wants to sell it differently.

See, everyone working on this project is emotionally numb; it’s like they’ve just mentally made a few clips on the negative, but no one will make them physically.

Deadbolt has a great article on how they’ve restored the movie for its fiftieth anniversary Blu-ray edition.  They explain how they redid the titles and how there was a good deal of duplicates, which definitely means they clipped (maybe a copy of) the original negative. 

What I find really gross, in both the academic and colloquial sense of the word, is that no one has even suggested that they go back to that negative and make a few clips, re-engineer the soundtrack, and remove Mickey Rooney’s disgusting performance as Mr. Yunioshi, a character who really adds nothing to the movie.

I understand that there are people who think this is sacrificing the integrity of the movie.  I’ve talked to people about this issue, and they’ve responded along the lines of “it’s important to keep this as it’s a cultural artifact, no matter how racist or wrong.”  I don’t believe them.  Rooney’s performance is distracting, outdated, and, as I’ve mentioned before, irrelevant.  It makes the beginning of this movie difficult to watch because of the constant panning between Audrey Hepburn and Rooney.  Better yet, if they chose to cut Rooney and leave Hepburn, it wouldn’t be that bad of a one-sided dialogue (at least not in the beginning):

Weirdly, trailor photos that don't have copyrights are public domain
, unlike photos from the movie.  Also, French
Wikipedia has better movie pictures than the English Wik.

 HOLLY: Darling, I am sorry, but I lost my key. 

 HOLLY: I lose them all.

 HOLLY: I won’t do it again.

I cut a few lines for sensible one-sidedness, but I think it could work.  I even think they could hire an actor to stand at the top of stairs, dust off their film and cut that in.  Maybe even a real Japanese guy!

Of course, there will always be purists.  This movie is practically a study in modern racism (the idea that racism doesn’t really exist), and I think the original version could be watched, very carefully, in academic settings.  I’m not suggesting we stop selling the original unedited film, but I do think it deserves at least some kind of prelude, if just a pamphlet or an insert into the DVD (Blu-ray) case.  If it were up to me, this big-deal reissue should include two versions of the film: one full, original 1961 version, fully as 1961-style screwed up as I believe it was, and another version sans Yunioshi, a la Star Wars: The Phantom Edit.  

I don't want to say people haven't tried to skirt the issue; they've explained reminders, made a little documentary sort of thing about the issue, played Toy Story 3 instead.  It just seems to me this is an awful problem with a simple solution that we should take steps to make happen.

I like Breakfast at Tiffany’s, I do.  I like the way it is revealed, and the lighting is divine, proving that Planer was a fab choice.  I just can’t justify Mickey Rooney’s character.  Blake Edwards, the director, Richard Shepard, the producer, and Rooney have all issued statements that they wished they had never done it.  I’m not sure they realize that they can; all they have to do is cut the film and, maybe, hire another guy to stand in for Rooney’s part (and his voiceover).  Deadbolt has said they can preserve 1960’s color, and I bet they could create it with a little work.

I want this edit and will personally endorse a petition to get Paramount to release such a version of the film.  I know it’s not a family film, but there’s a big difference between “not a family film” and “a morally wrong, editable problem.” I want it and will personally endorse a petition to get Paramount to release such a version of Breakfast at Tiffany’s.  It’s such a lovely movie…I think it deserves a slight update to keep this classic classic for another fifty years.

Post-Script: The Blu-Ray now includes a short film about how the filmmakers now know that Yunioshi was morally wrong.  Still, I wish they'd just edit him out, a suggestion I have yet to see elsewhere on the internet.

Simplicity SewSimple Patterns: Kay's Take

I already told you in this post that I hate Simplicity SewSimple patterns.  I decided to elaborate instead of taking a picture of my brand new skirt made from Simplicity 2314.

One thing I definitely hate is that far too many of these patterns are made in very clearly printed fabric.  I'm almost certain they do that to distract us from the line drawings, much like Burda frequently covers up and distorts their patterns in their magazines. 

The line drawings of many of these patterns are okay, they just make the instructions on said patterns difficult to follow. 

Further, there is very little about these patterns that is particularly spectacular.  They're unnessesarily difficult to sew and have few beautiful or perfect little details.

I should let you know that I'm being a little whiney about these patterns.  After all, when I began 1970 I could barely sew a straight seam, and I tried to make it out of easy-to-fray fabric.  I didn't exactly have all the stars aligned for the skirt to come out too well.

Of course, I've also considered that I hated the pleating of it and I hated the sewing on of the awful elastic waistband, which I absolutely despised.  However, there are too many patterns for dogs and little kids, and an overabundance of elastic waists and aprons. 

Bottom Line:  I can't help not liking SewSimple patterns, but I would like to wish Simplicity good luck with future seasons.  I hope they create many gorgeous patterns that are simple, classic, and relatively easy to sew.

Bye bye, Corn Pops...Just Kidding

Apparently Corn Pops are going to die.  They’re going to die a slow, long, painful death.  They will starve because no one wants to eat them.  (Food, you see, starves by NOT being eaten, as opposed to humans, who starve by not having anything to eat.)

They are dying, says Forbes.  They will be gone very shortly, within the next year.  People are already stopping eating them.  Corn Pops are dying.

No one will really make you eat these yucky,
 sugarless things

  Oh wait.  I was just kidding.  Sorry for being melodramatic; according to SodaHead’s article, a real life Kellogg’s executive said that they weren’t going to kill Corn Pops.  Yay!  Now we will all get fat on HFCS with our beloved breakfast crap while we slowly kill MySpace, American Apparel, and Sears.  Corn Pops are SO much better than snow tires, vintage clothing, and OneRepublic, which was discovered on MySpace.

Alas, we all knew Facebook would be king.  How else could there be Assbook (on the cover of a Hallmark greeting card featuring dogs)?  What would that be?  MyAss’sSpace?  Just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

American Apparel, you know, has three distinct disadvantages leading to its demise: Everything there is more expensive because it’s made in the US, “American Apparel” sounds too much like “American Eagle Outfitters,” and Apparel is too hard to spell. 

You can't buy these at Kmart.

Sears, which has an executive-confirmed impending closure (though I’m too lazy to dig up the link because my friend Google will do it for you), makes relative sense.  Why go to nicer, neater, quieter and more expensive Sears when we can pick easier, cheaper, louder and uglier Kmart?  Obviously they don’t have the same stuff, and we’ll have to head to Costco for our snow tires, but what a small price to pay?  Sears only sells much, much better clothes, shoes, bedding and housewares than Costco or Kmart. 

The others are pretty self-explanatory or boring, but you know which ones I’m watching.  How about you?

Oh yeah, I forgot to talk to you!

Surprisingly, I think a blog is a little like a plant.  You really should talk to it often if you want it to grow big and strong.  Mostly I'm hoping this will grow big so I'll have lots of things to read when I am old.

So I wrote a lot of stuff, but then it seems I've forgotten about you for days, sweet blog.  (In case you didn't notice, I haven't written anything current since last weekend.  Oops.

The skirt I mentioned is going very well so far, except that I conviniently lost a pattern piece (the waistband).  Now I have to sort of draft one out of the very well-cut version I made of light blue broadcloth and cut it out of the magical scraps left over from the first skirt I tried to make:

That's right, the icky icky red sateen is now going to be very pretty pretty indeed!

However, I decided I wanted the other skirt AFTER I had decided that I wanted the gross gathered skirt, so last night I conviniently cut out the two fronts and two backs out of two pieces of fabric a whopping 19" wide!  Yes, I made a skirt out of fabric 19" * 33" times two!

That's how awesome I am!

Except that I have yet to figure out that waistband.  I really wanted a contrast waistband at first, but the contrast I have at the moment is a very scratchy black cotton broadcloth.  It's heavy, it has no drape, and I don't really love it.  Why should I sew something I don't absolutely love?

Models are people, too

1

I hate it when people try to talk about the “wearability” of stuff like everything should be “wearable.”  Specifically, everything should be wearable on “real women.”  That’s another term I hate, “real women.”  It’s so obvious from the term that models are not real women.  They also do not wear wearable things.  This is clearly because models are made of plastic and they are naked. 

            The fact that models look like real women is just an illusion.  It is also an illusion that they are wearing clothes.

2

            Except that oh, hey, I know a model.  Maybe you know a few models, too.  They are real women, I am pretty sure.  They also wear clothes.  Real, wearable clothes, even at fashion shows because guess what?  They are real clothes.

            Let’s stop doing it.  It is really annoyingly selfish when people who are not built like models or do not look like models or lack the guts to wear orange plastic boots once in a while.  Just because you might not wear it to work or in a normal circumstance doesn’t mean you can’t wear it; you can wear it, which is the definition of wearability.  After all, the model wore it, and she’s a real woman, even if she is 6'10" and weighs 6 pounds.

Image sources

1.  Salvador Vuono/freedigitalphotos.net

2. Dundee Photographics/freedigitalphotos.net

I actually like to sew things

Hey, guess what?  I can actually sew!

You thought I didn’t really like sewing.  You thought I just said that because I wanted to like sewing.  Nope; I really meant those feet pajamas!  (They were white flannel printed with many feet.  They didn’t have places for me feet; that would be juvenile and difficult to sew). 

            Unfortunately, Simplicity definitely needs to rebrand their SewSimple patterns.  They are not sew simple.  They are sew difficult.  And sew convoluted.  And I am sew tired of pretending sew is so, so I’m going to stop.

            First of all, 1970, is NOT an easy pattern.  The first step is to PLEAT it.  Yes, that is right.  You have to make FOURTEEN pleats.  Yes, FOURTEEN.  After that, you have to sew in these stupid pockets, but they were VERY unclear where the “large dots” were where you’re supposed to not sew so that your hand can actually go in.  If you make up your own large dots, it will fray on the inside.  After all of this sweet, simple sewing, you get to attach an elastic waistband.  Yes, after you make the pleats.  Yes, on top of the two-hour pleats.

It probably didn’t help that I 1) didn’t make a muslin, 2) used 100% cotton sateen, which I am sure is the easiest-fraying fabric on the planet, and 3) sewed everything by hand.

I actually sewed the pleats by hand AND by machine, then had no seam ripper, so they looked very crappy.

In the end, I decided I didn’t every want a freaking pleated skirt, so I did what every person does who has devoted ten hours to sewing something they no longer want: I headed to the nearest fabric store and bought the cheapest cotton-poly broadcloth on the planet and  another pattern.

Yay.  Never again will I be induced by pattern cheapness. (I bought the first Simplicity pattern because It was 97 cents.  Yeah; bad reason.)

Needless to say, the muslin (broadcloth?) is going beautifully.  I handpicked the zipper (I put the zipper in the muslin (broadcloth?), yes.  I flashed to another store to buy some sewable interfacing because I have no iron, but then I forgot that Google is my best friend and I didn’t do it right.  Luckily, although they tell you you need a yard and a quarter of fusible interfacing, they mean you need four inches.  Because I did the interfacing wrong, I now need to rip out the waistband, which I did in a contrasting color (yes, on the muslin [broadcloth?]).  Then I will put in a better-cut version of the waistband thing and finish up the muslin (broadcloth?) and look for some normal, beautiful, non-polyester fabric to make a skirt about which I will actually blog.

PS – I’m making view C, no braid.

I still haven't fallen off the earth!

The internet lacks free pictures of marshmallows.  Apparently they're worth paying for.  Image: Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In case you don't know, dear reader: College is hard.  Also: College takes a lot of energy.

Although I might as well buy the t-shirt "I'd rather be blogging," I want "Trust me, I'm a doctor" with "No, really, I am!" screenprinted on the back even more.

Today's posty is about t-shirts and marshmallow toasties. 
Posty started as a typo but then it seemed like a good idea.

If you don't have your very own gorgeous brass fire pit then you're like me!  If you have a toaster oven, you are also like me!  If you have too many chocolate chips, Jet-puffs (yes, they really are my favorite) and grahams, you are even more like me!  (Aren't you so happy?)

Even better, you can make a marshmallow toasty, which is essentially a toaster oven s'more.  The weird contraction, though, has always bugged me.

1. Toast a marshmallow on top of a split graham
2. Toast a few (6-8) mini chocolate chips on the other half of the split graham. 
You can do these at the same time. 
3. Put the two pieces on a baking sheet and bake or toast until the marshmallow puffs.
4. Put one piece on top of the other, move it to a plate, and eat it like a s'more.  If you don't love the black-outside marshmallows, it tastes EXACTLY like a normal s'more.

Well, that's all.  Just so youknow I'm still here.